Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
