Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
