Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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