I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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