At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
