They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
