lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Randomize