I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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