The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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