so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
