tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
