When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
