id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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