You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
