Your tits are I can't wait for
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize