I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
