Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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