as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
