direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
