I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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