thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
