ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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