You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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