so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
