I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
