6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
