apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
