and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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