I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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