My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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