Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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