Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
