what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
