I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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