Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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