i just wanna soil my oats bro
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
