is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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