dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
