dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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