I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
