Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
