When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
