Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
