i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
