1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
