Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
