considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize