another moral hangover. fuck.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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