She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize