Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
