Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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