What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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