then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
