Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
