So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize