she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
