my sisters under your porch take her home
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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