Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
