Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
3 2 1 whiskey
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
