some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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