Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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