I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize